How to feel more confident and stop comparison with 1 word
There is one word you’re using - potentially upwards of 20 times a day, that is making you compare yourself to, yourself! By being aware of and changing this one word, you are on your way to feeling more self-confident, empowered, happy and healthy.
You might have already read my blog post on comparison (if not, you can find it here) but I want to get more specific with you. In the previous post I mentioned that there are 2 types of comparison - comparison to self and comparison to others. Today, I want to talk specifically about how comparison to self is affecting you, maybe without you even realising it!
In psychology, Social Comparison Theory is when you judge yourself and determine your own self worth based on how you see yourself compared to outside sources - social media, friends, loved ones, family, society, reality TV etc.
Self comparison doesn’t have to be all bad - as with anything thinking pattern, there are strengths and limitations. The strengths of Social Comparison (and therefore, comparing yourself) is that you can feel more motivated, inspired or driven to achieve a goal. But on the other hand, the limitations can also leave you feeling less than, flat, unmotivated and with a low level of self-worth and self-esteem.
Like I mentioned earlier, there is one word you’re using that is perpetuating this self comparison and lowering your confidence and self esteem. It’s SHOULD.
I want you to take a moment and think about your day yesterday. Consider all of the times that the word should came up for you - ‘I should get up now’ 'I should be at this stage in life, have this certain thing, be at this point in my career, have hit these life milestones' and even 'I should be a certain weight or fitness level.'
What you are actually subconsciously telling yourself when you use the word should is that you either don’t want to do that thing, or you aren’t at that level that you think you ‘should’ be at yet. You are not empowering yourself and you certainly aren’t building up your self confidence or self esteem!
The best way to move through this pattern of comparison to your own idea for yourself and where you ‘should’ be at in life is to bring yourself back to the present moment and focus on what you can control.
When you focus on what works for you and also recognise what doesn’t, you step out of that comparison cycle and into your real, beautiful life.
Over the coming days, become aware of the things you do throughout your days that make you feel really good. It can be simple things like getting out in the fresh air or sunshine, enjoying a hot cup of tea or prioritising time for you to move your body and eat a nourishing meal.
Also, start to notice the things you do that feel draining. Too much time scrolling on your phone, procrastinating, saying yes to too many things and feeling overwhelmed.
When you start to pinpoint the things that feel good and do more of them and also notice the things that feel bad and do less of them, you are actively working towards creating the life that you want for yourself every single day. And when you are focusing on you and your own life, it doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing - you are stopping the comparison and creating the life that feels good for you!
* I originally wrote this post for the Fitaz Transform program. If you want to know more about how you can get involved in the 8 week Transform programs, including exercise, nutrition and mindset plans, click here.